something small, something beautiful

I get new insights about my life here on a regular basis.  Small glimpses into the "bigger picture" or the roll that I am planning without even fully being away of it.

Today I had coffee with Sarah.  Sarah is one of my closest friends at Cornerstone Development.  She is Tim's, our director, executive assistant.  She is an amazing woman, and a lot of fun.  We've been good friends for a while.  Today we slipped out of the office and got something to drink and eat, as we chatted about life, marketing, and many other things.

Towards the end of the conversation, I commented on how grateful I am for her, and we talked for a little while about relationship.  I am aware that I am uniquely blessed I am here in Uganda.  I would confidently say that many of my closest friends here are Ugandan/African, people I work with or connect with in different ways.  But I have also recently been thinking about how beautiful these friendship are.  They are not easy, we step on each others toes sometimes, we don't understand each other occasionally, we react to things differently... but when both people are willing to give a little piece of themselves, to make an effort, something beautiful is created.  Something small but wonderful happens.

As I rode home from work, I thought about the idea of "being know".  I used to really struggle living here because I felt like there was no one who really knew me, or understood me.  On the back of my boda today, I smiled at the fact that that is not true any more.   

I am known, and I know, and that is wonderful.  

Living and working across cultures is never easy.  But what can come out of it is so much more exciting and beautiful. creative and unexpected that you can imagine.  I think it is in the hardest things that the most wonderful outcomes often take place, when people are willing to give a little more...when they are willing to love.

Sarah and I had a wonderful time today, chatting, laughing, planning, and sharing.  I am blessed beyond words, it is in the small things that we find real life, life in abundance.   

Window shopping and other stories...

This week has flown by.  I feel like I am flying at break neck speed, about to crash into... TANZANIA!!

We leave for Tanzania is 6 days, and there is so much to do.  Today, Saturday, is my last day off for a long, long time.  I am giving a talk at Carol's youth group tomorrow, then we start TZ prep week of insanity... then we actually go to Tanzania for almost 2 weeks... then right away off to Gulu for 3-4 days, next a course at Emmaus for a week, followed by a week of interviews of our internship program.  We finally end the month of September with the visit of Michael  Timmis, our long time partner at both Cornerstone Development and Veritas!

If you want to see exactly where my next month will take me, check out this map...

The last 2 weeks have been good.  I promised a detailed update about what a productive week looks like, and I have actually written it.  It'll be posted in stages over this week, to give you something to read while I am away.

The last few days were adventurous.  I thought I had everything set up to have a very functional, stream line week... but of course that is never how it actually goes.

I had a bunch of friends, from all over the world, here in Uganda this past week, so I wanted to see them all.  Thankfully, I was able to make the time.

So on Wednesday, at the last minute, I packed myself into a taxi and headed to Emmaus Center near Luwero.  It's a little less than an hour north of Kamapla.  I went to see Nancy and Lloyd Greenhaw, and a friend named Kevin who is from England.  All of us were in Rwanda together last year.  They were giving a course at Emmaus, so I just went to join them for lunch and the lunch break.

The trip also served another purpose... networking, of course.  A friend from Zambia was there, and I've been trying to connect for some time with them.  We were able to discuss possibilities for March of next year of going to Zambia for 2 weeks!  I also got the chance to see several others I needed to connect with, and also do some direct advertising to the whole group.  It was great!   It was especially wonderful to see "Mama Nancy"...we are kindred spirits I think. 

I rushed back to Kampala to have coffee with a new friend, then spent the evening working on various things and watching some West Wing.

Thursday was a weird day.  I wanted to go into work and try to get some things done, but that just didn't happen.  I spent the morning working on various loose ends at home, then headed into town to go to the Ethiopian Airlines office, the post office and get my internet fixed.  At about 1:30, I was in a taxi ready to go to the Cornerstone Ranch to see the team from SOS Europe that was serving at the ranch.   

At 3 pm, I got out of the taxi... which had not moved an inch.  Taxis sit in the park until they are full, then they leave for their destinations.  Well, mine hadn't added a single person since I had gotten in at 1:30.  I decided just to try to go Friday morning.  Then JUST as I was about to go home, a drive from the taxi that had been next to us came up to me and asked where I was going.  I told him and he promised that that was where they were going... which is annoying because I had asked while in the park.  He crammed me into the taxi and off we went.  It's a long way to the ranch, but we didn't stop much and somehow I made it to the road by 4:30.  Then I had to wait for Kenneth to come and pick me, we made it back to the ranch by 6:30 pm... I got some good time to catch up with Kenneth and Martha, two very good friends of mine.

When I got to the cottages where the team was staying, they were all there.  We played some banana grams and then had dinner.  After dinner we went to the Ranch fellowship, which was run by the Cornerstone Leadership Academy Boys (CLA).  They did a great job, I am always proud of my kids!  Kenneth picked us up from the fellowship because it started raining during it.  We dropped the team at the Cottages, and Kenneth dropped me at Martha's house.  Her place was very comfortable.

Martha and I had an amazing chat before bed... dreaming of the amazing things we can do with our lives!  I was so encouraged and inspired, it brought me so much joy.  The next morning she made me a great breakfast, before I walked back to the cottages.  The team had some time of prayer, and then got ready for the day.  We headed in the back of a truck out to a local primary school and worked hard sanding and painting for the morning.  It was great to get time to talk and be with the team of friends.  

We headed back for lunch at the cottages, and I had to say goodbye at that point.  As is SOS tradition they (unnecessarily) honored me, and we exchanged gifts.  I gave each of them small paintings/cards which I had made, and they gave me Toblerone (awesome!) and a far too generous donation.  I got some last minute time to chat with Rebekah from Dublin, whom I have known for over 6 years.  It was good to catch up a bit. It was very special to see this team, because 3 of them were from Dublin and I had served in their section of the NYPD youth group in Dublin 6 years ago!  They are grown up and doing great things with their lives, and I couldn't be more proud.

Then Kenneth took me, and a bunch of others to the road and we were off back to Kamapala.

En route I wanted to buy a pineapple.  Pineapple in Uganda is crazy good. Martha was traveling back to Kampala with me.  When the taxi pulled up by the pineapple (and other things) sellers, they all run to the car and put their various things up to and through the window for you to see and buy.  At this point, Martha made the most amazing comment... I said "I love shopping through windows"... Martha responded "It's window shopping!"  

And so it is, like everything else, window shopping takes on a whole new meaning in Uganda. 

An update worth reading...

As some of you know, I regularly send out nice email updates. 

Here is the most recent one.  This update is a little unique as it more specifically highlights the work of Cornerstone Veritas.  There are some profiles of interns, an breakdown of the last year and what we've done... and some news about a Noelle in Africa America visit! 

Check it out! 

If you don't receive these email updates in your inbox, and would like to, please shoot me an email at noelle.gornik@gmail.com.

In the email, there is also a link to my recent facebook photo album... but just in case you want to go there right now, check it out right here... "Your people shall be my people" 

This week was excellent!  Keep an eye out for a new post about what a productive week looks like for me in Africa!

A Week with White Cheddar

A commentary on so much more than cheese

Dairy products in Africa are not as common as they are in the developed world.  There are a few dairies that serve the general grocery stores in Kampala, and you can pay through the nose for delicious, imported cheese.  Of course, I never allow myself to indulge in the expensive good stuff, I just don’t feel like I have to money to do that.  My usual cheese is a very large round of semi tasteless gouda, which lasts me a good number of weeks and is decently cheesish.

About a month ago, I tried a new grocery store in my local area.  Being somewhat new to this area of town, 

I have not yet established a committed grocery shopping routine.  So to the big Tusky’s new Makerere campus I went, to see what wonders this giant (for Ugandan standards) store had to offer.

And there, in the dairy section, sat something which made my heart skip a beat.  White Cheddar Cheese.  For only 10,000 shillings (a little less than 5 dollars).  The block was decently sized, and it looked amazing.  I bought it, and as I road home on a boda, I dreamed of making real mac and cheese that night for dinner.

Upon arrival home, I made some pasta and lovingly grated the precious cheese.  It was exquisite!  It actually had flavor, unlike my former friend gouda.  I made a lot of mac and cheese.  I ate most of it, and kept some for the next day, carefully wrapping up the small block of wondrous white joy. 

That was the week we had a course here in Kampala. It was from 8 am to about 6 pm everyday.  By the time I got home I was exhausted and tired.  But there was always delicious mac and cheese waiting for me.  It was a wonderful time in life, me and my white cheddar cheese. 

Then the week ended.  The last morsels of cheese were eaten, and I travelled for a few days.  When I was back in Kampala, I still had that beautiful cheese in my mind.  I went back to Tusky’s, excited for yet another block of glorious, flavor filled delight.  To my great sadness, I found there was no white cheddar, just orange.  After a heated discussion with the attendant about why they did not have any white cheddar in stock, I defeatedly selected a block of orange cheddar and went on my way. 

When I got home, it was time for dinner, and I curiously made some tuna surprise with my newly acquired cheese.

What a let down.  It was nothing in comparison to my previous cheese experience.  The flavor was not as rich and full.  All in all a disappointment.

Upon finishing the block, I once again, left Kampala for a time.  Specifically hoping for the white cheddar cheese, I went out of my way today to shop at the same local Tusky’s.  After putting down my heavy pack, from a week of travel, I gripped the handle of my cart and hopefully pushed it to the dairy section, praying for a Kampala treat.  White cheddar cheese. Please.

When I reached the fated “dairy” area, I found one, pitifully small, row of cheese.  Where the cheese rows had been 3-5 rows of various types of cheese, here there were 2 different types, spread awkwardly over a shelf trying to disguise the lack of cheese.

I was seriously annoyed.  After being in the village for a week, eating beans and tasteless starches, all I wanted was flavor and protein!  I called the dairy attendant over and asked him where the cheese was.  He said it was out of stock.  This caused me to launch into 3 minutes on supply and demand, and highly encouraging him to speak with his manager about the issue.  This store has a high end check out system, they are monitoring their sales, and can tell when they are running out of a product!  I explained to the attendant that I only shop at that store because they have the cheese I like, and that if I come one more time and it’s not there, that they will lose my business. 

I was (am) dead serious.

This saga is about so much more than cheese.  It feels like my life in Africa. Finding something wonderful, beautiful, being excited about the possibility of something which is great and can make wonderful things… but then reality sets in, until eventually there is literally nothing left.  No cheese.  Not even orange cheddar.

They say it is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.  Do I agree with that statement?  I am still skeptical.  Love and loss both hurt.  But is that true for development?  Is it better to allow people to experience for a short time what life can be like, even if they fall back into poverty when initiatives fail or move on? 

I wish I had never found white cheddar cheese here.  I was ok with the potentials of my gouda before the cheddar came.  Perhaps we should think about this in light of many other things.  

But this story speaks even more deeply of another experience here in Africa.  Deep, painful, constant disappointment.  There is a book called “Things fall apart” … I have never read it, but I quote the title all the time.  I don’t know what it is, I call it the “African Vortex”, things just fall apart here.  I would say that less than 25% of the events, courses, meeting, and networking opportunities that I work hard on actually happen. 

It erodes you over time.  It chips at you, until you find yourself teaching macro economics to a grocery store attendant in the dairy isle.  It’s not cheese.  It’s everything.

I’ve been trying to teach myself not to get excited about anything here.  I am becoming successful, but it’s a bit sad.  Getting excited and passionate about things is part of who I am… but here it just ends up causing more pain than it is worth. 

Perhaps I’ve become a cynic.  But, suddenly, I realize that in the grocery store for me development means being able to buy white cheddar cheese whenever I want to.  And I am, for the millionth time, reminded of the little hole that disappointment pokes into my soul, over and over and over again.  I am tired.   

Disappointment is a not easy to face every day.

Perhaps I should open a dairy and make my own white cheddar cheese.   Anyone want to invest?  :)